The Big Picture

This is so familiar – and that’s why we don’t see it.

(This is so familiar and that’s why I didn’t see it)

I thought I was dealing with a workplace issue. An unaware, immature manager with an inflated fragile ego. A series of uncomfortable interactions that didn’t sit right, but it triggered something deep within me.

Living through it has done something I didn’t expect. It has opened my eyes to something much bigger.

I started to notice patterns. Not just in my workplace — but everywhere.

How power is held. How voices are minimized. How vulnerability is treated. And not as something to protect, but something to manage or dismiss.

I recently read a story about a journalist who overheard a powerful leader mocking the very people he publicly claimed to support. She stayed silent for ten years. Ten. Years. She carried that burden! Not because it didn’t matter. But because the cost of speaking was too high.

That part stayed with me. Because I understand that cost now. What I experienced is not on the same scale. But the pattern is the same. And that’s what’s hard to sit with.

It’s not just about one person. Or one workplace. Or one moment. It’s about how easily we learn to adjust. To stay quiet. To tell ourselves it’s not that bad. To protect ourselves in systems that don’t always feel safe, and in that process, protect those who ought to be exposed.

And if I’m honest this isn’t just something that has been done to me. It’s something I’ve participated in too. Maybe not in the same way. Maybe not with the same impact. But I can see moments where I held power and didn’t fully recognize it. Moments where I could have been more aware, more careful, more intentional, more human.

That’s the part that’s harder to look at.

I’m not judging that anymore. I’m trying to understand it. Because awareness isn’t just about seeing what others are doing. It’s about seeing ourselves clearly too.

And at the same time, I can’t unsee what I see now. Something shifted for me.

I’m taking better care of myself. I’m asking different questions. I’m paying attention to what feels aligned and probably more importantly, what doesn’t. I don’t have all the answers. But I know this:

Once you see the pattern, you don’t get to pretend you didn’t.

And maybe that’s where change begins. In the quiet decision to stop dismissing what we see. To trust ourselves. To speak even when our voice shakes. And also to pause. To notice when we are the one holding power. To choose differently in those moments. Because this pattern only continues if we stay unconscious to it.

We need to use our voices. We need to take the risks. We need to name what is happening — including the ways misogyny still shows up, often quietly, often normalized. We need to say it’s name.

Misogyny! It’s real and it’s still here.

But we also need to look inward.

To become more aware. More conscious. More intentional in how we show up with others.